“Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.” — Michael J. Fox
Editor-In-Chief, Chester “Trip” Buckenmaier III, MD, COL (ret.), MC, USA
As we enter a new year, like many Americans, I am hopeful that the world’s challenges of the last few years will ease. I am somewhat confident that 2023 will bring improvement to the general human condition, since the first three years of this decade represent such a low bar upon which to improve. It is indeed hard to be optimistic in the face of growing consequences of global warming, threats to our constitutional democracy, Russia’s war of aggression, disruptions in world supply chains, ongoing COVID-19 pandemic concerns and world economic instability, among many other adverse events. We must remain hopeful.
On a more positive note, Pam and I are looking forward to the birth of our first grandchild, and we will soon be traveling to Atlanta for this family event. Our adult children, who are now all involved in their own busy lives, will be joining us in Georgia for the holiday season and impending birth. Anyone following our travels as we trek across the country in our RV (TimBuckTwoBlog.com) will note that we have spent a preponderance of our time on the road visiting family. One of the primary motivations for selling everything and setting off in our Winnebago was the flexibility to travel and be with family whenever and wherever they may be. As our children have grown, their career desires and aspirations have moved them some distance from our old home in Annapolis, MD. Pam has often said we worked hard to make our children well educated and independent, to have big “wings,” if you will. We cannot lament that they have used those wings to fly. Of course, moving and living in many different places is familiar to military families. As the needlepoint that hung on our wall in so many different duty stations said, “Home is where the Army sends you.” Despite the distance, we are fortunate that modern communication technology facilitates daily interactions among our family (we know something is wrong, if someone misses completing Wordle). As proud as I am of our children’s independence, I am even more pleased with their desire to find time to gather as a family and make that effort a priority in their lives. Like Pam and me, they have grown to understand and appreciate the vital component of family in their lives.
Throughout my medical career, I have witnessed firsthand the importance of family in a patient’s navigation through the dangerous waters of modern medicine. The significance of family was never more poignant than with a war-wounded servicemember. Casualties recovering in the hospital with family members at their bedside seemed to do the best and progress the fastest. Family members often see medical issues arising long before medical staff and were an essential source of information regarding a patient’s progress (or lack thereof). I made it a point to involve family members in patient discussions during hospital ward rounds. Some of the most complex and trying casualties I dealt with were those servicemembers who lacked any family support of significance. A patient who we noted had no family advocate was assumed to be a demanding case, and this was rarely proved false.
I believe the Department of Defense learned very quickly when it established the all-volunteer military force on July 1, 1973, that successful servicemembers required successful families. When a family member decides to make the military their career, that servicemember’s entire family is pressed into service to the country. Only in retirement, as Pam and I have reminisced about our 30-plus years of service, have I discovered some of the hardships my family sustained to support my career. For this reason, I have taken to thanking parents or siblings of service persons for their service to the country. These folks will often correct me and say they did not serve personally, and I assure them they certainly had.
The individual storms of life are unavoidable. It is truly a blessing when you have a family with which to find a safe harbor to weather those storms. A strong family is perhaps a person’s greatest asset, their ace in the hole. At times, clinicians may see families as an unnecessary distraction when dealing with patients. I always resisted this feeling, because I knew my patients with the most passionate family members experienced the best recoveries and made my job easier. I also would caution federal medicine providers from neglecting their own family support system, which can be all too easy to justify with the demands of our calling. Taking time with family strengthens those bonds and provides a stronger safety net when our professional lives become overwhelming. Strong families make solid federal medicine providers.
Family is indeed everything. The best decisions I have made in my life were when I put family first, before personal or work concerns. So, as I prepare to meet the first member of the next generation of my family in this new year, I dedicate this editorial to all families, particularly those serving in the military.